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I am the Rad Recycler

If you handed me an job application and if I filled it out a question may be, “Do you have a criminal record? Yes or No? If yes please explain.” I do not have a criminal record but could I still explain?

Why am I the “Rad Recycler?” It’s a strange title, and I don’t expect you to address me as Rad, or Mr. Recycler. It basically goes back about 18 years into the history of Minnesota Public schools.

Elementary school didn’t start out so well for me. About a month into first grade I watched 21 Jump Street (you know with Jonny Depp) with my older brothers. It inspired me to take action. I took a sharp knife from the kitchen and concealed it in my backpack. Next, out to recess I marked my man, a random second grader 15 feet away. I made eye contact with him raised the knife in front of my face and glared as if to say, “don’t mess with me sucker!” He ran away terrified and I felt the power of intimidation. Yes, it was nice but short lived because my victim told on me. Drat! The duty confiscated my knife and sent me to the principle. I realized that intimidation is not the best way to persuade people.

So I eventually learned how to work the system and started to make stuff happen. Grade school (Oakwood Elementary, Wayzata school district) was all about infiltrating young minds with treehugging propaganda. Crazy hypothetical models like America throws away enough aluminum to fill the Grand Canyon in a month. I told them they were “full of crap and a grip of hypocrites.” They were always talking about saving the world and recycling but our school tossed enough recyclable trash to fill our own little canyon (if Minnesota had canyons). So I took it to the principle (the same one who busted me for the knife incident). He appointed me chief captain over the school’s recycling efforts. I recruited others interested in this cause and named our band of doers, the “Rad Recyclers.” We even had t-shirts. Each week we would storm the classrooms for recyclable booty. We raised a lot of hype that year and as far as I know if most of Minnesota public schools and schools all over the nation have recycling programs. I’m not saying these programs wouldn’t exist without my pioneering, they would have happened eventually. I just beat the trend and branded the “Rad Recyclers.” That is why this blog is call the Rad Recycler.